Today I'm reminded of and inspired to share about meeting the need for self care to be in peak performance. What does that mean? Well for me I have daily and weekly practices, rituals or whatever you want to call them that support me in staying self connected, at ease, in flow and able to meet challenges in the moment without outwardly reacting eg daily morning stretching, meditation, walking, cycling, weekly Biodanza, swimming, running, hill walking and importantly resting. Anything that fills up my well of being. I’m not trying to give the impression of being a guru or even want to be (Guru's are an illusion in my mind), I'm always noticing my humanity, my vulnerability. My work is to be in service and I don't know what that looks like all of the time, I can only notice what feels like a fit in the moment and what doesn't. I have to be self connected enough to know when I'm taking action from that place or when I'm doing something out of duty, obligation or that I want to be loved more (one of Marshall Rosenberg's guidances on living nonviolence).
An example of this was yesterday when I was meditating with mum. I wanted to take part in the global synchronised meditation that was holding an intention of the well-being of people in Syria. Before we went into the meditation said something like this. "I feel clear about where to put my energy and when it feels meaningful. I do not want to create more suffering around the situation in Syria by thinking about all the awful things that could be happening. I know what that causes in me and it's usually constriction, pain and suffering. Nor do I avoid knowing about what's going on. What i'm certain about for me is the clearer I am the more I can contribute to people who are suffering and often unable to access their energy to be moved into action that feels satisfying for them".
Back to the ‘how to’ part in keeping in peak condition when serving others. To my mind being in service is anything from being the best parent you can be, the best teacher, surgeon, artist, plumber, waitress, cleaner. This isn't just for the chosen ones (that's another illusion in my mind) Everyone can be aligned to service. I'm reminded of the analogy that my coach François shared at a training I was assisting him with. He was a musician touring with Cirque du Soleil for 13 years prior to becoming an NVC trainer and he gave the parallel to what we do in the work of nonviolence with circus performers. He told of how he would watch the trapeze artists every morning in their training routine. They would get up at 6am, practice bodywork together, eat a healthy breakfast and then spend around 6 hours practicing whilst taking regular breaks in between. They spent a lot of time together on and off the trapeze. They were a team. All of this work for 20mins performance on the night. I related to this analogy instantly. My first thought was 'that's what it's like when I'm giving someone empathy, coaching them or facilitating a group or training'. I want to be in peak performance to minimise errors and even when I do something I'm totally happy with I have the resources in the moment to know what to do without it becoming a total mess. Being at my best to give my best to others. Like the trapeze artists. Having practices are without a doubt for me one of the crucial elements!
When I got up this morning, I decided to go for a swim. I could feel a sense of panic arising and identified this being related to a belief that I'm not doing enough. I think that's a common one that can often run the show. I caught it and remembered that taking care of my body is an important part of my work as was making a healthy sandwich to take with me on the train and making sure i felt good in how i looked before meeting a client for a coaching session in the city. Nothing is too small to pay attention to.
I took my time and got connected to the important things I wanted to take care of today. When I did that I felt spacious enough to take the opportunity to call someone I've been meaning to connect with for a few months. It just so happened that he had a cancellation and could meet for a coffee. Perfect, I'm in the city and it's in the flow. There has been something I was wanting to speak with him about for almost a year that felt important for me to share and I was becoming increasingly restless about. I was clear what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it (that came to me when swimming). When I rehearse these conversations in my head I wait until I get to the place of being crystal clear before I make my move. He welcomed what I had to say and we both felt relieved in having 'named' it and that I could say it in a way that he could hear and receive with openness. Having just left him and continuing to write this blog on the train I'm remembering how much I enjoy his company and feel met by him. He has a similar way of experiencing life to me. It’s important for me to spend time with friends like that. I feel deeply satisfied, energised and overall delighted. Going home after a day that's full of meaning is how I'm living life 80-90% of the time. This happens when I know where I'm putting my intention, doing the practices and spending time doing things and being with people that nourish me. I'm always aiming for higher (like the trapeze artists) and know that if I slip I have a safety net of inner and outer resources to fall into. I'm grateful for my NVC practices and coaching skills for being 2 of the pillars that hold up this net and give me a container in which to feel held.
My wish is that more people can experience this way of living. I know many are not because I hear them telling me or I regularly overhear conversations expressing discontent or deep pain. I know there's another way because I'm living it. I wasn't always as contented as this, in fact the opposite. This way of living isn't la la land, although it can feel like magic. As a workshop participant once expressed…."I was pleasantly surprised at how much breadth, depth and richness there was during the 2 hours and amazed at the skill and experience I imagine must have gone into the workshop. A bit like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. I came home to myself and grateful to be in touch with that"