I heard this analogy recently of being like Tarzan swinging through the jungle and if he doesn't let go of one vine and he's holding on to another then he's going to get stuck, hanging in mid-air, feeling tense and stretched (or some kind of version of that). I liked it as I'm relating to that in my own life, in fact I would say I've been 'hanging around' trying to make decisions on some aspects of my life for at least a couple of years. I understand that these phases can also be part of transition and now I'm feeling held in mid air, so time to boldly let go (even if it's only in my mind, which is only where it ever is :)
What I've noticed through doing Byron Katie's 'The Work' (thework.com) is that when I come to the truth there is just a letting go without a story and from there a sense of inner space and peace is experienced. I don't always have to be the one who does anything, actually the more inner stillness I'm in the more life just takes care of what needs to happen next. That doesn't mean that I don't physically do anything, it's just the action feels effortless (a bit like letting go of a vine doesn't take any physical effort at all)
For example, when I look back at the period when I was considering surrendering my nurses registration (which I held for 10 years) and becoming a full time freelance dance artist I was in a lot of conflict. It took me 2 years to completely surrender to it. I made an agreement with myself that if I went a full year without doing any shifts at all then I would let the registration go. The time came and I knew what I had to do and yet I was afraid that I wouldn't get enough work as a dance artist (even though I had made that lifestyle switch in many ways, I still saw being a nurse as more important and secure a job). My memory was that as soon as I gave up the registration I was approached by the Creative Arts in Schools Team in Argyll and offered a contract to carry out a project throughout the region and as well as that came all sorts of other offers of work and then a momentum started and I was swinging with ease and flow.
More recently, I've been noticing this feeling again of strongly holding on to the vine of nonviolent communication (nvc.org) which I've been living and sharing about since 2011. Having completed a Leadership Programme and extensive training in many different aspects of this system I knew in my heart that I didn't want to enter into the realm of becoming a certified trainer. I couldn't figure it out logically because I always thought I would go down that path. My heart was clearly telling me no, that vine was becoming thinner and weaker until finally I decided to let go in July of this year. This came in conjunction with diving deeper into The Work and noticing that this process was serving me in a way that NVC was not. My wise self was telling me not to mix the two and to take time to dive deeply into The Work which lead me to complete the 9 Day School for The Work in Germany this summer. That does not mean that I forget everything that I have experienced through NVC, I'm deeply grateful for this journey and it feels more like I've absorbed what I needed to know and take the experience with me into my next phase through the jungle.
The jungle represents the adventure of life to me, I don't view it as being hostile or scary (and if I do I do The Work on what I'm believing about it), it's a rich environment of living and learning. Everything is happening for me in the jungle and is there to wake me up. Yes, sometimes that feels scary although to use the old analogy of the snake and rope, most of the time we are afraid of ropes. Who would you be without your story? I would say being clear about what my business is, living without fear and moving through the jungle swiftly when needed, playfully and deeply resting when the circumstances call for that.
As I reflect on these vines that I'm holding onto, I realise that there are tendrils that are still clinging to me and it feels crucial that I clean them up and let them go. In my experience many people are also living with these vines wrapped around them in some form or other, some of them are literally choking whilst others are slowly draining energy (a bit like when you know you need to clear out your clutter and when you finally get around to it you feel liberated and energised). My biggest vine now is the identity of being a dance artist. I have so loved this journey I've been on where I've met the most creative, energetic, colourful and soulful people and learned a lot about myself, others and life. Biodanza is an aspect of this journey, another area I thought I'd become certified and again it was not meant to be. Although I still practice it I don't have the same connection to it as I did when I was training to be a teacher, convinced that this was the path for me. It turned out to be another illusion of the mind. I'm finding it tough to let go of this identity and I know that I can't go down all of these paths otherwise I'll be like the Vitruvian man, arms and legs everywhere and not rooted or flowing in any one thing. I've been deeply moved by so many moments, projects, connections and concepts and I don't want to say goodbye. I don't really know what that means and something inside tells me to trust the process once more and let go of the vine and swing for a while in the free space in between catching the next one.
So what's the worst thing that will happen? I'm going to reflect on this answer and once I've found it I'll do The Work on it. Write it down, ask the 4 questions and turn it around. I look forward to discovering what's on the other side...:)